Sarah, Hopefully

Tuesday, May 24, 2005


So the last week has been kind of a whirlwind of not feeling well... I was having these really sharp pains in my left side and went to the doctor. He thought I might have shingles, which is something you can get if you've ever had chicken pox. He gave me some anti-inflammatories and some narcotic painkillers for my side. The medicine really messed me up and I couldn't drive or anything while I was taking it, but it did help the pain. Anyway, over the weekend I developed a bunch of canker sores in my mouth. I'm talking dozens of sores here... not fun at all. I went back to the doctor's office yesterday and saw a different doctor than usual... She said that since I have sores on both sides of my mouth instead of just one, I don't have shingles. That's a relief. Still don't know what the side pain was about, but I did a little research online last night and I'm pretty sure that the canker sores are from the anti-inflammatory they gave me last week.

The doctor also recommended that I try an anti-depressant for a while. She said that when you've been sick for as long as I have, a lot of times your feelings of fatigue or being unwell are mental-- you're so tired of being sick that you actually prevent yourself from having normal levels of energy, etc. Sounds good to me... I think I have been kind of down these last few months. So we'll see how that goes. I'm supposed to go back and get some blood work done to see if there's something that's supressing my immune system and making me pick up all these weird illnesses. Maybe I'm anemic or something; who knows.

Just thought I'd leave an update here for anyone who is interested. I think I'm on the mend... I plan to go back to work tomorrow. It may be boring, but it's better than sitting around the house watching endless episodes of ER on DVD. (Yeah, I totally watched all of seasons 2 and 3 in a week. Hehe.) Time to earn some more money... wahoo.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

super blah

I am sitting at work feeling so incredibly lousy that I don't even want to stand up. I think my mom is right and I've been overdoing it-- staying up too late, not getting enough rest, doing too much. It doesn't help that I've been doing all these early morning babysitting jobs lately. I'm pretty sure I'm having a mono relapse. I'm exhausted, my back aches and my lymph nodes are all swollen... basically how I felt when I was dealing with mono a few weeks ago. How frustrating!

Maybe my spleen will burst. That would be a great way to get out of working for a while, wouldn't it? I mean, having emergency surgery would be kind of a bummer, but I've never been in the hospital before. It could be fun, as long as someone would smuggle food in to me. ;)

I'm totally kidding. You know that, right?

What really sucks is that I can't just go home and go to sleep... I've got to babysit tonight. Another crazy night of running around to softball practice and dance class. Bleh. Maybe my spleen really WILL burst. It kind of feels like it right now.

Sorry I'm such a whiny brat lately. My life is so boring that complaining about it is pretty much all the entertainment I can get.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

PRL Update!!

I guess it's time to update this, but I think that between my blog, my open diary, and my xanga, everybody gets to read about my life at some point and nobody is really being left behind here... maybe, iunno.


My birthday was this week! On Thursday. I had to work from 10-5, which kinda sucked, but it wasn't too terribly horribly bad. Had a sort of laid-back family birthday meal on Thursday-- pizza and birthday cake, woo hoo! Yesterday I celebrated my birthday with Murl (more on that in a minute), and then tonight my family + my older brother Matt went to dinner at Longhorn Steakhouse, yum. Matt's in town for his half brother (on the other side)'s graduation.

So yeah... yesterday Murl and I celebrated my birthday. It was sort of a scavenger hunt where we went to all of these places that had special meaning to our relationship. He'd give me these little clues on slips of paper and I had to figure them out and then we'd go there and find the next clue... very awesome and inventive. And then when I lined up all the clues in the order I had received them and read the first letter of each line going down, it spelled "I love you." How cute! :) :) It was a really good birthday.

So, birthday gifts... I got seasons 2 AND 3 of ER, a new bathrobe, a big beach towel, a notebook with all of the emails I sent to my parents while I was in Mexico... um, what else? Murl bought me a blue hippo at Target during our scavenger hunt, and I have a gift certificate for Sunfire Ceramics that Julia and I are going to use tomorrow. My dad gave me a card with some money in it, and I gifted myself with a new computer. I'm happy. :)

Oooh, I just watched the new Kelly Clarkson video for "Behind these Hazel Eyes" on AOL. It's really good! I looooooove her "Breakaway" CD. So so so good. It's kind of all about breakups, but the songs are very catchy.

So I am totally hooked up in the DVD department... My mom bought Julia season 2 of Gilmore Girls for her birthday in March.I got Julia season 3 of GG as a late gift for her birthday when she came home last week. Then I got seasons 2 and 3 of ER for my birthday. I've already finished season 2 of GG, so I'm gonna watch season 3 and then move on to ER. Quite convenient since I've got the DVD player/TV in my room now. :) No cable hookup, but that's okay. If I had cable, I'd never ever leave my room. Haha. As it is, I'm definitely not getting as much sleep as I should... drat this mono for hanging on so tenaciously! Oh well. Someday I'll be healthy again, right?

I bought a pretty new watch with my birthday money. It's green and silver and I like it. It tells me that I've been writing this entry for quite a while, so I think I'm gonna go. Adios!

Thursday, May 05, 2005

my life = suck

I hate my life right now.

Working every day this week.

Murl gets Tuesday nights off at Checkers.

I made a 6 week Tuesday night babysitting commitment to Doni.


Not seeing much of Murl this week.


I got 4 hours of sleep last night because my body hates me and I think maybe I have a rash on the left side of my torso, front and back, because I itch like crazy. All night long.

If I went to bed right now and fell asleep within 3 minutes, I might be getting 4.5 hours of sleep tonight.


Because I am too damn nice for my own good. The girls' mom, affectionately known as "Cruella", called ME in a panic this morning at 7am because Doni and Jim had to go to Wichita because Doni's grandfather has leukemia and Cruella has to take her mother to get surgery in the morning and there's nobody to get the girls ready for school except-- you guessed it-- me.

So I have to be at her house tomorrow morning. At 5:20. AM.

Kill me now.

Oh wait-- because AFTER I drag myself out of bed and get the girls ready for school and off to their happy little classrooms, I get to go to work. Sherri is taking the day off. Doni is in Wichita. Katie only works on Fridays and therefore isn't experienced enough to be trusted to work by herself. So? I'm working. All day. With a girl I've seen once and wouldn't recognize if I passed on the street. Who is older than me. And I am in charge. Great. So, working from 9-5.

After that:

Pick up Murl. Go home. Pack. Get in car. Drive 3.5 hours. Arrive in Neosho, MO. Collapse at my Aunt's house, sleep.

Saturday morning:

Arise. Drive to Nole, MO. Meet Julia. Go canoeing on river. Get sunburned. Drive home. Die.

Kill me now. Please?

I would be happy to be getting out of town. Really, I would be. Except for the fact that I'm going to be DEAD. Because tomorrow is going to KILL ME.

I... don't have anything to say that's not whiny and depressed, and you're all sitting there going, "What the hell is she complaining about? She doesn't have finals or anything. "

I just... hate my life. Hate hate hate. Loathe loathe loathe. Die die die. Sleep sleep sleep.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

On the way back down

Bleh... this week has seriously been kicking my butt. I don't know why... I think I'm sort of relapsing into mono-badness. Tuesday was the first Tuesday I worked 10-5... and I about died. I was so exhausted and had a horrible headache by the end of the day... and I still had to babysit that night, bah. Yesterday Sherri was sick, so it was just me in the office all day... Doni was there part of the time, but I basically got to sit there and play computer games as much as I wanted, as long as I answered the phone. Strangely enough, I actually did other things, too, even though nobody was there to watch me be productive.

I've just been kind of... depressed. I don't know. Feeling very down and uncertain about the future... I mean, we grow up and think that if we just choose the right school and pick the right major and get the right education, then after we graduate we'll magically find the perfect job and maybe get married along the way and life will be happy.

The discouraging thing is, a lot of degrees mean jack crap. Certain degrees will get you high paying jobs, but what if you just have no aptitude for those areas? An English degree will get you pretty much nowhere in life. The job market is sucky. After graduation, if it's not necessary to go on and get a master's degree, it'll still probably be 10 years before I can get a job that is really what I want to do, unless some miracle happens.

This whole social security mess kinda freaks me out, too. More and more, I think that the government really isn't about doing things for the people. I mean, granted, you can't please 100% of the people 100% of the time, but... they aren't even close. So much money goes straight back into the government and to the politicians... the whole system makes me sick. There's something seriously wrong with the way that we're growing up and being educated only to be disappointed with the opportunities we have-- or serious lack thereof-- but everyone just sort of mindlessly keeps following this standard that has been set.


I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I have no idea anymore what my skills are or how I could use them in the real world. I just worry that I'm going to forever be stuck in a job where I have no passion for what I'm doing, but just while away the hours pretending to work because, hey, it all pays the same, right? Whether I'm checking break points or playing computer games, I still get $7.50/hour.

I'm just so burned out on my life right now. It's getting harder and harder to get up every day and go off to work. I just think, "What's the point?" and turn over in bed. I have an existence that basically revolves around earning money and then wasting it in an attempt to make my day feel worthwhile.

I just want... a break. Some glimmer of hope that my life won't always be this horribly pointless and empty. I want to stop feeling exhausted, I want my body to stop being the Enemy, I want my brain to grow. Argh. I sound like a whiny depressed brat, and I know it. I'm sorry.

At least tomorrow I get to do something a little different... Ashley and I are going to the Great Mall to go shopping. That should be fun... I just hope I'm not too tired. Oh well.

Sorry again for being a party pooper or whatever.

Monday, April 25, 2005

I suck at this.

Updating, that is.

In brief:
1. Went to Kohls on Friday and bought

  • Cute new sandals
  • Quilt and shams for my bed that match and are oh so pretty

2. Cleaned my room on Friday

  • Finally put stuff in the media cabinet that Murl gave me
  • Finally hung the things that needed nails on my wall

3. Helped my dad with books and things in the basement this weekend

  • We have to take everything off the bookshelves/wall, including the drywall itself, so they can fix the basement so it'll stop leaking. Yay collapsing walls!
  • My backseat now has 3 big boxes of books that I'm supposed to take to the Half Price bookstore and try to sell... the good news being I can keep any $$$ they give me
  • Took a big box of books to the neighbors with my dad and happened to get paid for working with the chiiiiiiiiilllldreeeeeennn. Yeah $160! Woo!

4. My time with the chiiiiiiiiilllldreeeeeennn is now over.

  • Now I can work longer hours on Tuesday, but later in the day... so not only is my schedule more regular, but I get more money. Woo hoo!
  • I have to figure out what to do with the Bingo cage turner thingy my mom bought me to use while teaching. Hm. Anybody up for Bingo?
  • I still get to spend time on Tuesdays with children, just not THOSE children... Doni has a prenatal class on Tuesday evenings, so I'll be picking up some dollas weekly with babysitting, awesome.

5. It's almost time to buy a computer!

  • I'm just waiting for one more college deposit refund check to come in, and then I can get a new compy.
  • Unfortunately, all of the Dell outlet computers seem to be sold right now, when just a couple of weeks ago there were hundreds. Argh!
  • Yay new compy.

6. This list-based entry is really pointless.

  • I'll bet you already knew that.
  • Feel free to mock me openly.
  • I'm really done now.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Nothing new under the sun

Sorry I'm not posting much. But seriously: if anything were going on, I'd write. Therefore: nothing is going on. Except this:

I've taken up cross-stitching.
I've spent way too much money since my last paycheck.
Tomorrow is payday. Note to self: Do not make the same mistake!
Julia is buying me lotsa dorm goodies for supercheap prices. Yay!
Uh-- but I'll be paying her for those dorm goodies... but it's still super cheap.
Tax season is over! I wonder what work will be like now...
Tuesday is my final day with the chiiiiiiiiiiiiiildreeeeeeeen! YES!
I wonder when I get paid for my time with the chiiiiiiiiiiiiildreeeeeeeeeeen!
Murl bought me a Hasee toy. It's fuzzy and cute and purple. Yay!
I say Yay! too much.
Ashley is having a baby boy! :) :) :) (I would say Yay! but...)
Please, shoot me now.