Sarah, Hopefully

Saturday, August 14, 2004

Get me ouuuuuuuuuuuut of here

I don´t want to be in Mexico anymooooooooooooooore.

Seriously.

I called my mom this afternoon and begged her to let me come home. I am supposed to call back tonight and talk to her and my dad. I know they are just going to tell me it is culture shock, that I should give it time, that once I start classes and my service project everything will be okay.

I am exhausted right now. Starting next week, I will have about 3 times as much to do. I am going to die. I will get up at 6:30, eat at 7, catch the bus by 7:30 to be in class at 8, have spanish class from 9-1, then get back on the bus to be home by 2 to eat lunch at 3 so we can go to our service projects at 4 and be there until 8 when we will come home to eat dinner at 8:30 and go to bed by 10. Five days a week.

I am scared to walk down the street. I am scared to ride the bus. I am scared to cross the hugely busy street to get to school. I am scared that I am going to be late to class, insult my host mother, annoy Katie, never make friends, pass out from exhaustion, get sick from the food.

I apparently don´t know that much spanish. I don´t enjoy speaking it or hearing it all day. If I never heard or spoke another word of it, I would be happy for the rest of my life. I don´t want to study Spanish in college. I am not extroverted enough to connect with troubled young boys. I am the completely wrong personality type for this. They never tell me anything. I have to be in class at 8 on monday, but what class? with who? in what building? in what room? what books do I need? I don´t know. Nobody does. They don´t tell us shit.

I know I sound rediculous. I know you think I am just going through a phase and I will get over it and in two weeks I will be having the time of my life.

I don´t want to stay here for another two weeks, or one week, and definitely not for another 16. Screw college credit, screw the money wasted, screw it all. I want to go home. I don´t belong here. I just want everyone to leave me alone and let me go home.

I´m not afraid to admit that I was wrong. I felt all summer like I didn´t really want to do this, but I didn´t let myself think about it for long enough to sort it out beforehand. That was really dumb of me, and I knew it then, and I know it now.

Aargh. I am tired of people trying to give me pep talks. I don´t want pep talks, I want to go home! Why isn´t that acceptable?

4 Comments:

  • It is. I know my opinion is worth about as much as the opinion of a box of raisin bran, but screw it, come on back to the US. I bet Murl would come get you himself, without hesitation. Hell, I'd be right in the car with him. WT Harmon doesn’t leave his friends stranded in third world countries. You don't ever need to do anything you don't feel like you can do. Just say it to everyone who nay says you, in no uncertain terms, "Screw you guys, I'm going home" (in Spanish when applicable).

    Just come on back. You can always come back.

    Always Believe,
    Good Ol' WT

    By Blogger Good Ol' WT, at 7:37 PM  

  • You do whatever you think is right. It is definitely your life, and it is always your decision.

    By Blogger Courtney, at 8:44 PM  

  • you've done a lot to prepare for mexico like studying spanish for years. if you don't stay there longer this time, the opportunity might never appear again. you're a great person and i'm sure you'll make friends there (especially if you can remember people's names -- if you don't know the name of someone in your host family or something ask them and say sorry that you didn't remember it because you were flustered from the traveling and didn't remember it, then write it down so you don't forget). that would really make me sad if you give up now after you've gotten so far. I know you said you don't want to hear a pep talk, but you're a great person, and this is a great opportunity for you: don't give up yet.

    By Blogger austen, at 9:35 PM  

  • Geez, if it's really that bad, I'd say screw it as well. You should have listened to the small feeling telling you something's not right. It's a hard thing to do, but we all have to bend to the small feeling sometimes. You're going to have to stick it out for a bit...which is tragic...and the good thing of you coming back is that you could get a job and save up big time! And you could see us. Do your best, I think you've got everybody's backing here.

    -Lauren

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:19 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home