Sarah, Hopefully

Friday, October 29, 2004

Too much time to free my mind

Let me just begin by saying: I really, really want a hug right now.

That´s basically the end of what I want to say, too.

Okay, okay... I´ll give you some in-between.

I don´t know what my freaking problem is. No school today... I slept in until after 10, which was nice... I woke up because my back was hurting, which wasn´t so nice. Katie was spazzing out because Alfonso stood her up last night and hadn´t called last night or this morning... she finally reached him, but he was making no sense, so she just went over to his place. Still haven´t heard the full story on that one. Anyway... that left me to my own devices for the day.

I have spent way too much time in this computer place today. There was nothing else to do. I read all the Television Without Pity recaps of this new season of ER. I talked to a couple of people online. I wasted a hell of a lot of time. You know the drill... I went to the mall. I bought a T-shirt. I ate McDonalds. My back started killing me. Why on earth am I taking all this freaking medicine that makes me feel like I am on Mars when my back keeps on hurting?? It´s rediculous. I can´t do anything about it, though. Not until Monday, at least... the campus is closed all weekend.

I hate this medicine. I hate the way it makes me feel like I am floating all the time. It makes my mind wander all over the place. Mostly it´s wandering a few thousand miles north, to home, to my parents, to Lawrence, to Murl, to all of my high school friends... all of the things I am missing. Aaaaaaaaaaargh. 5 weeks. Only 5 weeks from tomorrow. 36 more days. I am seriously, seriously counting down. I need to make a tear-off calendar for my wall or something.

I am dying to see a familiar face. Even if it were just for 5 minutes... no, that´s not true. A few hours is the least amount of time I could handle, haha. Just to be able to sit there and chat with someone I´ve known forever, to laugh and eat and talk about people we know and things that we´ve done... aaaaaaaaah I´m killing myself here. I´m crying in the hole in the wall computer place full of 20-something Mexican gamers, for crying out loud! This is the epitome of my patheticism. Geeze louise.

I know, I know. This is a pathetic entry. I´m sorry for being such a baby... but... like I said. I just want a hug. :(

5 Comments:

  • Awww...I <3 you! *HUG* That's for the one that I can't give you in person, but I'm sure you'll get tons when you get back..oh sooo sooonnn!

    -Lauren

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:10 PM  

  • You don't know me, but I'm a KU alumnus, class of 2001. I studied in South Korea for a semester. It's difficult towards the end, I know. I spent the last week or so seeing how much I could sleep, since if I slept a lot it would feel like time went by faster (NOTE - DO NOT TRY THIS). I also spent a lot of time at Internet cafes there playing hours of FIFA soccer 2001. It sucks, I know. I'm sure you stand out, and people really notice you and stare and all that, which was flattering once but now is just really annoying. I guess I'm not saying anything to help you other than how you feel is very normal. Just try to enjoy where you are. Try to go somewhere new, or do something you haven't done yet. Just remember, after you leave, you'll probably never come back again. I missed some good opportunities because I got depressed. So don't get depressed. Steel your will against being depressed.

    I know how you feel about being far away, too. I wasn't able to call most of the time I was there. I couldn't call my girlfriend (my future wife) which really really got to me. In my mind it felt like home was just around the corner, but it was half a world away. And you have to build a wall around yourself when you're overseas, which keeps others out, but keeps you in, too. I never found an answer for that. It just is the way it is. You just have to try to push that hurt away. It's not easy, and there were nights when I just thought about trying to get on a plane somehow and go home early. Just don't let the bad feelings take over and ruin the remainder of your stay. You'll never be able to do this again, so try to make the most of it.

    I'm sorry to leave such a long and rambling post. I just happened to find your blog and this post struck a chord with me as I could see myself in your situation. I hope you're able to enjoy the rest of your stay.

    Rock Chalk!

    By Blogger C, at 1:42 AM  

  • Hi, Sarah. I hope you're enjoying Mexico. If I were there, we would do lots of theater and I'd give you lots of hugs because I'm a creepy old man.

    Love always,
    Dr. Seaver

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:40 PM  

  • See Sarah? Even Dr. Seaver wants to console you!

    (Hi William...)

    *hug* Here's another!

    -Lauren

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:10 PM  

  • totally freaked out about that dr seaver thing!! he's a freaky man.

    By Blogger Genevieve, at 5:26 PM  

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