Sarah, Hopefully

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Time Warp

I felt SO OLD today. I went into the Dillons video department to hook myself up with some cheap DVD rentals, and there was a little girl in there with her mom. They were looking at movies and the girl asked, "What was that one that you said I hadn't seen? About the kid and the robbers break in and stuff?" And her mom was like, "Home Alone." And the little girl ran off to see if they had it on DVD. I was saddened. What kind of world have we come to where small children do not know the magic that is Home Alone? Macaulay Culkin, anyone? Anyone? Please?

Just as I was waking up today, my mind started playing over the last three weeks... damn, a lot has happened. I've been feeling kind of brain dead lately and I think that's why... I'm just kind of doing whatever seems right at the moment. I'm too emotionally burned out to really make decisions or think things through. So I've done a lot of eating and a lot of staying up late playing random stupid games online or reading books that I've read a dozen times before... I've rented a lot of movies because they are entertaining while not requiring much effort on my part.

I just hate the stage of life that I am in. I hate being home and having no one here and not knowing what to do with myself... I hate waiting for my life to start. I hate feeling like I am spending a ton of my parents' money all the time. I hate my room and my clothes and... everything. I just want to throw out all the crap that is cluttering up my life-- physically and mentally-- and start over with a clean slate. I don't want to be the same girl who left here four months ago. I don't want to do the same stupid things I did before. I don't know how to avoid it, though. It's like... all of the things I left behind have formed this huge sucking pit of quicksand, and I am being swallowed whole. Blech.


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