Sarah, Hopefully

Thursday, April 28, 2005

On the way back down

Bleh... this week has seriously been kicking my butt. I don't know why... I think I'm sort of relapsing into mono-badness. Tuesday was the first Tuesday I worked 10-5... and I about died. I was so exhausted and had a horrible headache by the end of the day... and I still had to babysit that night, bah. Yesterday Sherri was sick, so it was just me in the office all day... Doni was there part of the time, but I basically got to sit there and play computer games as much as I wanted, as long as I answered the phone. Strangely enough, I actually did other things, too, even though nobody was there to watch me be productive.

I've just been kind of... depressed. I don't know. Feeling very down and uncertain about the future... I mean, we grow up and think that if we just choose the right school and pick the right major and get the right education, then after we graduate we'll magically find the perfect job and maybe get married along the way and life will be happy.

The discouraging thing is, a lot of degrees mean jack crap. Certain degrees will get you high paying jobs, but what if you just have no aptitude for those areas? An English degree will get you pretty much nowhere in life. The job market is sucky. After graduation, if it's not necessary to go on and get a master's degree, it'll still probably be 10 years before I can get a job that is really what I want to do, unless some miracle happens.

This whole social security mess kinda freaks me out, too. More and more, I think that the government really isn't about doing things for the people. I mean, granted, you can't please 100% of the people 100% of the time, but... they aren't even close. So much money goes straight back into the government and to the politicians... the whole system makes me sick. There's something seriously wrong with the way that we're growing up and being educated only to be disappointed with the opportunities we have-- or serious lack thereof-- but everyone just sort of mindlessly keeps following this standard that has been set.


I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I have no idea anymore what my skills are or how I could use them in the real world. I just worry that I'm going to forever be stuck in a job where I have no passion for what I'm doing, but just while away the hours pretending to work because, hey, it all pays the same, right? Whether I'm checking break points or playing computer games, I still get $7.50/hour.

I'm just so burned out on my life right now. It's getting harder and harder to get up every day and go off to work. I just think, "What's the point?" and turn over in bed. I have an existence that basically revolves around earning money and then wasting it in an attempt to make my day feel worthwhile.

I just want... a break. Some glimmer of hope that my life won't always be this horribly pointless and empty. I want to stop feeling exhausted, I want my body to stop being the Enemy, I want my brain to grow. Argh. I sound like a whiny depressed brat, and I know it. I'm sorry.

At least tomorrow I get to do something a little different... Ashley and I are going to the Great Mall to go shopping. That should be fun... I just hope I'm not too tired. Oh well.

Sorry again for being a party pooper or whatever.

Monday, April 25, 2005

I suck at this.

Updating, that is.

In brief:
1. Went to Kohls on Friday and bought

  • Cute new sandals
  • Quilt and shams for my bed that match and are oh so pretty

2. Cleaned my room on Friday

  • Finally put stuff in the media cabinet that Murl gave me
  • Finally hung the things that needed nails on my wall

3. Helped my dad with books and things in the basement this weekend

  • We have to take everything off the bookshelves/wall, including the drywall itself, so they can fix the basement so it'll stop leaking. Yay collapsing walls!
  • My backseat now has 3 big boxes of books that I'm supposed to take to the Half Price bookstore and try to sell... the good news being I can keep any $$$ they give me
  • Took a big box of books to the neighbors with my dad and happened to get paid for working with the chiiiiiiiiilllldreeeeeennn. Yeah $160! Woo!

4. My time with the chiiiiiiiiilllldreeeeeennn is now over.

  • Now I can work longer hours on Tuesday, but later in the day... so not only is my schedule more regular, but I get more money. Woo hoo!
  • I have to figure out what to do with the Bingo cage turner thingy my mom bought me to use while teaching. Hm. Anybody up for Bingo?
  • I still get to spend time on Tuesdays with children, just not THOSE children... Doni has a prenatal class on Tuesday evenings, so I'll be picking up some dollas weekly with babysitting, awesome.

5. It's almost time to buy a computer!

  • I'm just waiting for one more college deposit refund check to come in, and then I can get a new compy.
  • Unfortunately, all of the Dell outlet computers seem to be sold right now, when just a couple of weeks ago there were hundreds. Argh!
  • Yay new compy.

6. This list-based entry is really pointless.

  • I'll bet you already knew that.
  • Feel free to mock me openly.
  • I'm really done now.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Nothing new under the sun

Sorry I'm not posting much. But seriously: if anything were going on, I'd write. Therefore: nothing is going on. Except this:

I've taken up cross-stitching.
I've spent way too much money since my last paycheck.
Tomorrow is payday. Note to self: Do not make the same mistake!
Julia is buying me lotsa dorm goodies for supercheap prices. Yay!
Uh-- but I'll be paying her for those dorm goodies... but it's still super cheap.
Tax season is over! I wonder what work will be like now...
Tuesday is my final day with the chiiiiiiiiiiiiiildreeeeeeeen! YES!
I wonder when I get paid for my time with the chiiiiiiiiiiiiildreeeeeeeeeeen!
Murl bought me a Hasee toy. It's fuzzy and cute and purple. Yay!
I say Yay! too much.
Ashley is having a baby boy! :) :) :) (I would say Yay! but...)
Please, shoot me now.

Saturday, April 09, 2005


Well, Blogger lost the post I tried to make two nights ago. Fun! Guess you'll all have to live in suspense. "All" referring to the like, 4 people who read this. ;)

I got new clothes yesterday. I like 'em.

Murl's birthday is on Monday. Crap. I like him, but I am the WORST PRESENT BUYER EVER. Definitely.

I miss Squishy.

People are going to be finishing school soon. Crazy. My life just... keeps on keepin' on. Heh.

Gorgeous weather. I shouldn't be sitting inside.

Had a migraine yesterday. The magical migraine pills were... magical. But ask Murl- they made me a liiiiiiiiiittle strange. Heh. I can't complain, if a 3 hour headache was gone in 15 minutes.

I hope my sister gets to come home. I have to buy her a birthday present, too.

Do you miss me like I miss you?